post #518. one i'd never forget.
i drove out to vancouver with my closest and best girlfriend in calgary. it was one extended weekend trip we'd never forget.
i say extended weekend because we had intentions of leaving on the tuesday after my grandma was discharged from the hospital, but never left BC.
i was driving, and Anne Marie my passenger. Anne Marie was sleeping, reclined in her seat and as she dozed, and i remember driving through the rain storms and patches of sunshine of the start of the Rockies. as we passed other cars, trucks and 18-wheeler semis on the right of us, i decided that we would change into the right (slower) lane after passing the honda civic and the 18 wheeler up ahead.
for the first time since the start of this roadtrip, i wasn't speeding on the highway as i reasoned that we were in no rush to make time back into calgary. i only had work the next evening, which gave me plenty of time to sleep in when i got home that night.
as i come down the left lane doing no more than 110km/h, the honda civic suddenly cuts me off (pretty sure the guy didn't shoulder check), and then upon seeing my car so close to his, he steps on his breaks (note: who steps on the breaks when attempting to overtake?!). i immediately jam on my breaks. you could smell the burning rubber, hear the screeching of the tires, as i made a hard swerve to the right to avoid rear-ending him. Anne Marie wakes to see me swerve to avoid the honda. and there it is, the huge white rear end of semi-truck, travelling not fast enough.
in my head i think, do not rear end this guy. we will die if we do. this is the guy we do not want to hit. try val try. there i am, steering and counter steering the momentum my car was having on the road. then suddenly my tail swings out towards the ditch and my first thought was thank god. we can just slide into the ditch and avoid any collision. we will be alright. i conscientiously turn my front tires in the direction of where i wanted the car to go. that's when suddenly i felt the driver's side tires go air-borne, and the car roll onto it's passenger side. with my hands on the wheel i thought, damnit. brace for impact, the roof is gonna come crushing in. brace for impact. this is it. the car rolls almost slowly in my head, but in reality probably like a movie-epic kind of rolling. i see the green grass from the ditch, the ground, the sky, and then wham! the roof came in and hit my head, then i was out like a light bulb shot with a 9mm beretta pistol from 5 feet away.
I remember everything following the car crash in very minute moments.
shivering.
gravel.
warm liquid.
people talking.
anne marie crying.
someone holding my head.
the bright sky.
people trying to move me.
someone telling me not to move.
being in pain.
neck-brace.
man asking anne marie questions.
man asking me questions.
conversations.
occasionally i'd try to open my eyes. most time i kept my eyes closed. listening. waiting.
blankets. heavy blankets.
being rolled onto a stiff board.
being pushed on a gurney into an ambulance.
questions.
more questions.
being asked to stay still so they can take x-rays.
emergency room ceiling and lighting.
anne marie coming by the table once or twice.
someone taking off my neck-brace.
man talking about sue, the nurse who's brilliant at road rash injuries which i had a lot of.
man stitching my head.
sue coming in, me talking to sue about how brilliant everyone says she is.
cutting my shirt up.
sue telling me about another 16-year-old boy who had road rash but didn't tell sue that he had more on his bum. and it later got super infected. poor boy.
very painful episodes of cleaning and bandaging road rash.
very painful episodes of trying to put on a t-shirt meant for a 4-year-old.
sue saying that the tight t-shirt will hold the bandages down well.
anne marie talking on the phone.
me calling my workplace and my manager getting mad at me.
talking to my family in calgary and singapore.
bumbling over to anne marie's room, 2 doors away.
someone asking if anne marie and i were sisters. no, i said, bestfriends.
getting a wheelchair to hold onto as anne marie and i walked the tiny trailers fused together of a hospital in Fraser Canyon, Hope. anne marie deciding that she wants a present from the hospital gift shop as a memorabilia for the experience.
anne marie's hands and wrists hurting, and my legs hurting. deciding that we can work together to make anything happen. i have the upper strength, anne marie having the lower strength.
anne marie and i laughing about how bruised we look.
me hating on my hair which was standing on ends and crusted in blood. i thought i looked like edward scissorhands.
anne marie and i deciding that we have quite the luck, and appreciating our second chance at life. deciding that we really have been through everything together.
laughing.
calling my family in vancouver, only to find out that they were already on their way in the middle of the night.
anne marie and i attempting to watch 'gangs of new york' on my laptop which survived the accident, in my room because anne marie's room was too cold.
aunt vic, grandma, grandpa and tristan showing up in my room.
me joking with grandma that she could beat me in a foot race - she just got out of emergency surgery that weekend from a constricted bowel.
calling people at work to help take my shift.
calling sam. calling steph.
going to bed that night, and sharing a tiny twin bed with anne marie.
anne marie telling me that the nurses and doctors found it funny how anne marie and i were inseparable.
waking up to the option of getting shots or pills to help alleviate the pain. shoot me please (i hate needles but i think i've gone through enough pain). convincing anne marie that a shot will be better. laughing after the shot.
having apple juice in the morning.
having anne marie's apple juice in the morning.
being discharged the next day at noon.
having anne marie's aunt (a nurse) help cut me out of the tiny t-shirt sue put me in, because it had fused to all my burns. :( very painful episodes (which anne marie has pictures of).
booking a flight to calgary, which i later cancelled.
enjoying a week of bussing and training and hobbling. no camera because my camera though it survived the accident too, had no more battery life.
my new nickname: hobbles.
laughing. smiling. happy. taking forever to get dressed everyday.
anne marie changing my bandages twice a day.
anne marie yelling at me for attempting to bandage myself with tissue paper and not gauze.
bandages fusing to my open wounds. me ripping it off, thinking it'll be better - no :( blood.
not being able to shower.
buying a scarf to cover my edward scissorhands hair, so people would stop staring.
buying clothes because anne marie and i didn't bring enough clothes for the trip.
not trying on clothes because i can't, but buying it anyway.
buying a stuffed penguin.
asking anne marie if i can bring the stuffed penguin out with us everyday. her response: i won't judge you. :D
seeing my car a week after the accident, crying.
and since seeing the car. i cry a lot more.
anne marie telling me how she remembers the accident. she blogged about it. it isn't pleasant but if you think you're ready -
take a read WARNING!: people who have read it have become very upset and cried.overall... the trauma i've been going through daily feels like an uphill battle. everyday i know my thoughts aren't rational, but they make me feel very upset with myself.
my short term memory is kinda shot. i can't seem to remember days when i did this or that or who i had certain conversations with. it's normal after an accident like mine. it makes me angry and upset because i had to drop my spring classes with my memory being this shitty.
ryan and jo tell me that i've been given the time to figure out what God's plan for me is. i like how fiz put it:
God is always good and He has an awesome plan for you. Don't worry about not knowing what to do right now, just let Him tell you what to do. At times, His plan for you is to take a backseat. ;) XOXOi'm learning everyday.
